She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
