It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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