K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
