covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
