perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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