He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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