please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
