Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
