She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
