if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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