If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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