Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
