we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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