so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
did i walk over a car last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
