he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
