No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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