True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
