may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
