I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
high people should be assigned attendants
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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