also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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