I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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