Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
