Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
