so explain again why im purple
no
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
