Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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