there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
