drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
