The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
