U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
