We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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