U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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