Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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