i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
