Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
