well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
