VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
