The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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