so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
