Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
