we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
