Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
