and you said cock pushups were impossible
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
