Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
