If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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