you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
