I just saw a hot homeless man
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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