woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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