my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
