Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The air was thick with penises
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
