I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
