this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
