wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
